what if harry had been sorted into slytherin though
- sarcastic bastard and no need to pretend otherwise
- learning the names of people outside your immediate circle of friends??? please
- usually overdramatic, sometimes morally grey
- sirius having to deal with the fact that his godson is a slytherin. a slytherin. james potter’s son is in slytherin. remus can you believe this
- bezzies-by-circumstance with draco malfoy with all the highlights including a) earth-shattering fights, b) someone brazen enough to curb draco’s nastiness, and c) someone unimpressed enough to tell harry to get a fucking grip and stop being so self-righteous all the time potter you frilly whingebag
- (and a friendship with harry/draco reluctantly getting roped into his cause could have changed a whole buncha shit for the malfoys and all that Malfoy Joins the Order With Snape fic of ‘03-‘05 could have come true)
- speaking of, a head of house/student relationship with snape might have saved his character from being entirely reprehensible
- challenging the wizarding public’s views of slytherin house by pitting their ridiculous prejudices against their blind all-consuming love for/faith in harry
- quirrell was a ravenclaw and wormtail was a gryffindor [insert harry’s sarcastic one-liner about all the witches and wizards who went bad being in slytherin here]
- jkr putting her money where her mouth is re: “we’ve all got both light and dark inside us, it’s our choices who make us who we truly are” by putting the boy who lived and eventual saviour of the wizarding world in the ~evil house~
- or even better she could have established slytherin as the ~evil house~ and then dismantled that completely by showing harry surrounded by loving, caring people forced to choose between standing beside their friend harry or supporting voldemort’s/their parents’ cause
- harry’s group of friends torn in two by their parents’ ideology and their loyalty to harry and what they’ve seen to be true while sharing a home with hundreds of halfbloods and muggleborns
- and then members of slytherin house fighting tooth and nail against the people who raised them because harry potter just has that effect on people
- all resulting in an eventual about-face in people’s attitudes towards slytherins
- and when harry has kids they’re proud at the thought of being sorted into slytherin house because their dad was a slytherin and he saved the fucking world
i never knew i needed this but i need this
Only if he stays friends with Ron, though.
Like he’d take Draco’s guff about the ~wrong sort of wizard~.
Also, interhouse friendships!
*cough* Oh you wanted an AU where Harry is sorted into Slytherin?
It does come attached to an AU where Remus and Sirius rescue him from the Dursleys when he’s eight, so maybe that’s not your thing…
It’s also a giant fuck-off cliffhanger WiP Sam. *librarian glare over glasses*
*whitewashes character/real person of colour*
fandom: maybe they were the best person for the role! it’s not about race! we all bleed red! as long as they can portray the personality of this real person that actually existed and was not white, that’s all that matters!
*racebends white character*
fandom: this is a travesty! i’m all for supporting casting poc in roles, but not this one! this is reverse racism! they’re just doing this just for the sake of it! why do people of colour have to take everything away from white people! my life is ruined! mommy!
*creates original character of colour*
fandom: a black female scientist/astronaut/cop/love interest? how unrealistic; that would never happen in real life. this is pc bullshit!
*racebends existing white character who incidentally no one gave two shits about before*
fandom: i’m all for supporting the characters of colour that already exist. why can’t they create new poc characters instead of stealing ours? this is pc bullshit!
oh no oh no oh no
Stern lady adventurer who catches on to the pun thing in like two seconds flat and answers every single one with a totally straight face — “okay okay okay try this one: what did the scientist say about the book on anti-gravity?” “that it was impossible to put down?” “eeeeeee you guessed it!!!!!!" — and at first the sphinx is super-excited because NO ONE EVER GUESSES PROPERLY, NO ONE!!!!!, but her elation soon turns to disappointment because the stern lady adventurer isn’t laughing and, like, that’s the whole point, and anyway the sphinx is hilarious, she knows she’s hilarious, puns are the bEST—
so basically it turns into a ridiculous and adorable adventure story where the sphinx decides she needs to accompany the stern lady adventurer on her travels because she is damn well going to make the woman crack a smile, and they get up to all sorts of shenanigans and the nerdy little sphinx girl puns her way out of half their scrapes and the stern lady adventurer is like “what” and “how” and “no”
The sphinx is all, “it’s probably a good thing you have me along, you know, because I make for a pretty great pawdyguard”
The stern lady adventurer scowls, all, “stop that,” and she IS NOT GOING TO SMILE at the way the little sphinx goes all wiggly and delighted
"Wait wait wait," the sphinx says. "I have to tell you something. Me and you—"
"—make a TOTALLY—"
"don’t you dare"
"oh gods why"
And the sphinx is just smiling and acting all kittenish until someone tries to attack the stern lady adventurer, then suddenly the sphinx pounces and defeats the idiot soundly. The lady adventurer is wondering why did she go into a battle mode there and not during some of the scrapes they’ve been in.
"Beclaws I was hungry." The sphinx shrugs as she licks her paws clean.
And the lady adventurer just sighs again and covers her face again, shaking her head.